well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
