Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
