my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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