Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
