ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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