I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
