I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
