I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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