I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
