my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
