Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
