i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sober January is a disaster.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
