College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
