I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
