I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
