He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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