The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
