when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
