and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
