Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
