i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
