i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
