Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
