You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
tell me about the eggs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
