I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
In America we eat man semen.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
