either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
