areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
