Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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