So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
