Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
