Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
