It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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