I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
