That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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