Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
