he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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