You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize