garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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