so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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