Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
