She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize