Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
