I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
