she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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