R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I want to walk on stilts...naked
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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