Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
