Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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