I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
