"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
