I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
