after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
