Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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