next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
