I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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