that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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