It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
