So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
