You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
