After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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