Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
