you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
