I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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