Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
