Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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