the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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