If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
