her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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