just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i drank out of a bidet.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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