Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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