I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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