Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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