i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
