Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
