That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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