I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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