Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
